all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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