dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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