Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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