Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
