Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize