Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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