Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
