We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You were trust falling into bushes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
