i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
