Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
