Yo dont text me then not text me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
