life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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