2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
