Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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