My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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