it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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