I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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