i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
