I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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