I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
