phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
