Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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