her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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