I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
