This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
