I met the friendliest cop last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
