new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
