Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Randomize
