i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
