I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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