just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm always down for nudity.
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