...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
