NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
