Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
