Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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