Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
