I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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