Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
