i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
