You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
