Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
time to smoke my breakfast
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i out mim tonsoeep
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