what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
