Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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