someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
