I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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