yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize