the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
