And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
