Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
