"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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