Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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