wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
