im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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