Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
