Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
