My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
