you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
