Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
