she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
