I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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