But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
