I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
