oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
