Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
