Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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