She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
worst night to have a conscience
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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