i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
