It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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